I’m a people lover.

        llio sophia
            Late Autumn 2020

This exorcism is a not a book, though it does have chapters. I’m on the fourth day of taking olanzapine. Olanzapine is a drug used to treat those who have schizophrenia and bipolar one disorder. It is an emergency antipsychotic, only prescribed a 7 day supply. Having taken it 3 times already, I’m on the 4th day now. I only woke up 5 times last night, so it is starting to bring me down. I laugh, how ridiculous of a measure of normalcy. It takes one week of intense mania for you to be diagnosed and treated for Bipolar One Disorder. I was manic for two and a half years before being diagnosed four years ago. I was psychotic and found at a bus station; arrested and then eventually taken to the psych ward. When I went to pick up the olanzapine, I was on the bus I take nearly every day, though I did not recognize my surroundings. I am learning how to listen to my body. I am learning how to ask for help. I am learning. I hope by sharing my journey with others, it will spread awareness of this disorder for those who have and do not have the illness themselves. For those who have it, I hope it will shed some illumination on how I’ve personally survived this long. I was afraid of dying last week. I told them—I don’t want to die—with tears in my eyes; afraid of the pychosis taking over my body. Though I survive, again and again, I survive.  

This work is dedicated to my family—
blood, found, fictitious

hey, doc ︎

            chapter one

            chapter two

            chapter three

            chapter four

are you even for real ︎

            chapter five

stunned ︎

            chapter six

sex with a capital “s” ︎

            chapter seven

if you’re interesting
i’ll write poems
about you ︎

            chapter eight

wap wap wap ︎

            chapter nine

cool ︎

            chapter ten

veal ︎

            chapter eleven

i love you ︎

            chapter twelve

to the moon and back ︎

            chapter thirteen

duet w baby ︎

            chapter fourteen

learning to sing ︎

            chapter fifteen